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04 June 2010 @ 12:33 pm
[meme] You're Awesome  
This morning Dad and I went to pick up the motorcycle so I'd have it for tonight's ride. (This weekend is Summerfest and tonight there is a big classic car, motorcycle, and trike ride from one nearby town to here.)

On the way, he told me he'd been talking to someone in the neighborhood, Neighbor. I went to school with one of Neighbor's children, Daughter. When I was here right before graduation, I ran into Neighbor, who went on and on about how she was so very proud of me for what I've done with my life.

Dad said he was talking to her the other day, and Neighbor told him that she spread the news of my graduation to Daughter, and Daughter had all sorts of good things to say. Starting with how she was super proud of me and how she knew I'd do great things, that back in high school when I got up to talk in front of the classroom, everyone stopped and listened, even the people who normally didn't pay attention to class, and that I was always so smart and such a good leader and everyone knew I'd do great things.

To really appreciate this, I have to ignore the thoughts that kept me up half the night last night, about how I totally failed at law school and am going to be the worst lawyer ever, if I'm even allowed to become a lawyer, and how I'm a total fraud, etc. I am ignoring those thoughts because today is a new day and, to be honest, I really want to appreciate these words, because it was very kind of Daughter to say them and Neighbor to pass them on to Dad. (It is very kind of Dad to tell me them, too, but Dad is very open about how proud he is and always tells me the good things other people say, so I take that a little bit for granted. I did thank him for telling me these things, though.)

Daughter and I weren't really friends in high school and we're certainly not friends now. I know she got married and had some babies, but that's only from Neighbor via Dad, so the details are kind of vague. For her to say that just blows my mind. I don't feel like I did anything special in high school and I certainly don't feel like I did anything special in law school. (God, law school has decimated my sense of self worth, at least when it comes to my own intelligence and ability to be a good lawyer. I expected it to be rough, but I didn't expect it to so deeply destroy pieces of me.)

So this is a long story to say that I want to pay this good feeling forward and will do a meme this weekend. If you leave a comment here, I will tell you something I really like and admire about you. There are a lot of new people around here these days, but don't let that stop you! I like and admire something about each and every person on my flist, from the people who I have know for over a decade to the people I added the other day.

I'll go ahead and screen comments for those who want their comments screened, so if you don't mind me unscreening them, let me know. If you want to do this meme elsewhere, that would be awesome too. And if at the same time you want to tell me something you like and admire about me, well, I would love that. This part is absolutely not required to get a comment from me about what I like and admire about you, though. And that is the important part of this meme.

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I'm going to leave this public right now, but my first instinct was to flock it in part because I am talking about something someone else said but in part because it makes me feel very vulnerable to admit how much law school hurt me. But I think this is something important to say and to admit and also I don't want to be the person who hides. Law school has made me more likely to not say something publicly that I would have before, especially things that I truly, deeply believe should be said publicly, because I fear ruining my career. And I don't want to let that fear rule my world.
 
 
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: "Everything I'm Not" The Veronicas
 
 
 
(Screened comment)
Carla M. Lee: Fast & the Furious Letty grinscarlamlee on June 13th, 2010 05:42 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for saying such nice things.

I really love the way you are such an incredible friend; reading about your adventures with sionnain or cidercupcakes or the others always makes me smile because it reminds me of the way friendship can be so incredibly awesome. Even when you are just having giddy conversations, it makes me appreciate the wonders of fans and friendships and the things we love.
Jaymark Malloy (Joshua Mallory): Dancingjaymark108 on June 4th, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
In your blog, you always have something interesting to say, AND you say it well.

If you can think of anything to say about me, feel free to unscreen it. :)
Carla M. Lee: ps3 lovecarlamlee on June 13th, 2010 05:44 am (UTC)
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you saying that.

I really admire you and Steph's relationship and the way it has grown over the years. And I love your love of video games.
(Screened comment)
Carla M. Lee: Cleopatra 2525 pampercarlamlee on June 28th, 2010 06:43 am (UTC)
There are many ways in which you are awesome. Here is one of my favorites: You are a total inspiration to me, both in that you've done all these things I want to do and in that you're always available to hold my hand as I struggle with law school and balancing a legal career and a writing career. No matter how deep in doubt I get, I look at all the hurdles you've crossed and how you deal with really difficult things and yet keep going no matter what and I am inspired to keep trying and to keep pushing myself to do better.

So thank you so much for being my friend.