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Carla M. Lee
31 December 2037 @ 10:25 am
Sims 3

Chaos Legacy: An ISBI Challenge (2016)

Gen 1: 1.1, 1.2, 1.3
Gen 2: 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4, 2.5
Gen 3: 3.1, 3.2, 3.3
Gen 4: 4.1
 
 
Carla M. Lee
31 December 2020 @ 08:59 pm
I keep referencing this list, but hadn't posted it anywhere, though I have posted pieces of it as I add them. Because of [profile] abenn's encouragement, I am posting it now and will keep it at the top of my LJ for future reference.

Suggestions always welcome, by the way.

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Carla M. Lee
Version 1: April 4, 2008 through December 31, 2010


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Carla M. Lee
08 August 2016 @ 07:19 pm
But no concerts in caves, alas. That would be fun.

Life has kind of blown up this summer, writing and work and social activities. I keep meaning to write up longer posts about everything, but that is not going to happen, at first because I've had no time, and this evening because I had a pretty dangerous mood drop over the weekend and am sliding into depression. The mania lasted quite a few weeks this time. I hope I can keep making writing progress through this shift.

Alice in Chains and Guns N' Roses

Reconnected with one of my high school BFFs this year, and we road tripped up to the Guns N' Roses concert in Kansas City. I swore I would go if they ever got Slash back, and they did, and I did, and it was amazing. Alice in Chains opened, and put on a fantastic show, and Guns N' Roses absolutely killed it. I can't believe they are still putting on such energetic shows, and playing so damn hard. I continue to love Slash beyond the telling of it, and everything was absolutely wonderful.

(Well, no, early on a visual element triggered my vertigo, so I had to deal with that all night, but it was still worth it.)

horror movies

High School BFF: Do you like scary movies?
Me: OH HELL NO WOMAN, I SAW SCREAM, I AM OUT OF HERE

High school BFF and I both love horror movies, so we've been going to the movies together lately. It's nice to go with someone else who loves them, since J merely puts up with my movie choices most of the time.

So far, we've watched The Conjuring 2 and Light's Out. Both were fun enough, though neither stuck the ending, and I thought both relied too hard on similar jump scares throughout (not similar to each other, necessarily, but repetitive ones within the movie itself).

St Louis Science Center

One of my law school BFFs came down for the Fourth of July, and joined me on an adventure that was part work and part fun, visiting a new exhibit at the St Louis Science Center that was focused on local growing and farm to table. It was raining the day we went up, so I had to rush through most of the outdoor exhibits, but it was pretty fun. Mostly targeted toward little children, which I did not expect. J and his mom went with us, and I grabbed Niece H (still youngest niece, though I do have a great-niece who is younger) to come with us. She's maybe a year or two too young for most of the Science Center, but we had a good couple of hours running from one display to the next before she lost interest, and then we all went out for delicious bbq. (Her birthday just happened, and while there we went through Build a Bear for her gift. I'd never done it before, but it was really fun, if pretty cheesy. She adored it, though, and had a great time whispering her secret creative dream as a part of the one she picked out.) Niece H is just delightful, and I'm so glad we got to spend time together.

After we dropped her off, we took Jake's mom home, and on the way stopped to play with little chicks and a young pig who were on display at her local farm store. TOO CUTE.

Meramec Caverns

This past weekend, we spent the day at Meramec Caverns with J's family; Meramec Caverns is a large cave system here in Missouri on the Meramec River that does guided tours. I've been through it only once before, one summer of law school. It is still beautiful, and the tour slightly different this time than the last time. There are plenty of places that are open and closed at different times, so it changes a little depending on when you go. Every June, they do a lantern tour, and I think next year we'll give that a try. After, we took a quiet, slow boat tour of part of the river, which was very short but super relaxing.

Pottery

I am not quite back to pottery classes regularly just yet, but the other night, J and I went to a pottery show my teacher was in, and there were some gorgeous, inspiring pieces. There were also things that were completely over-priced, but such is art.

I've trimmed one piece and thrown a second, but am not back to regular lessons until September. Probably. Failures still really mess with my mental health, so we'll see.

Writing

Mostly, I have been writing. I finished a novel-length project (more or less twice; the first draft had no ending, so I had to start over to figure out where I went wrong, and then finally got an ending on draft two, though it's still not right), and I'll start editing it soon to prep it for early readers. I'm already well into my next novel length project.

I've written 340k so far this year. My goal is 500k. When I set it, I didn't actually expect to make it, because when I used to set 350k, I would get close, but never actually get there. This year is apparently a good writing year, and it's been a great lesson that I really do write more and better when (a) I write every day or almost every day and (b) I track my daily word count.

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Carla M. Lee
Book: DRAGON’S LUCK by Lauren Esker
Genre: paranormal romantic suspense
Series: Shifter Agents #3
USA Release Date: available now
Source: ARC from author
Rating: 4/5 stars
Recommended?: Yes, so much yes, all the yes! Amazing main character in Jen Cho, fantastic adventure, well-written details, and great worldbuilding mean this is a fast, fun read well worth visiting again and again.

Summary:
Jen Cho is a gecko shifter and infiltration expert for the Shifter Crimes Bureau. But this time she's in over her head—out of touch with her handler and head over heels for a sexy gambler who mistakenly thinks she's as much of a bad girl as he's a bad boy.

Ambrose "Lucky" Lucado has been playing in high-stakes games of chance since he was big enough to see over the table. But the sexy lizard shifter has a secret: he's not a lizard at all. He's a dragon, the rarest of all shifters, thought to be nothing more than a legend. And all dragons have special abilities that other shifters don't. Lucky can "push" his luck just a tiny bit, enough to ensure that he always wins at the gambling tables.

The problem is, the rest of Lucky's family have powers of their own. His much more powerful cousin Angel can twist people’s minds, making them do whatever he wants, from forgetting they’ve seen him to shooting themselves in the head. And now he’s set his sights on Jen.

Is "Lucky" Lucado lucky enough to protect both of them?

Review:

While I do think you can read this as a standalone novel, one of my favorite parts is the depth it adds to the world already established in the first two Shifter Agents books. What we saw in HANDCUFFED TO THE BEAR and GUARD WOLF was an interesting and nuanced shapeshifter world that even though it had its dangers, they were generally from familiar places (at least familiar to the characters): well-known shapeshifter types or humans obsessed with their healing abilities. DRAGON’S LUCK blows that wide open, because it blows open the idea of what kind of shapeshifters exist, what kind of powers they have -- adding dragons to the mix is fun and entertaining, but I don’t think I would have enjoyed it as much had I not read the other books first. Part of the fun is feeling settled in the world, and then having my view of it changed right along with the characters.

Jen Cho is by far the strongest part of the book to me. She is amazing; smart and funny and strong and brave. I love how Esker writes details that drive home how different shifters experience the world in different ways. A gecko, for example, moves through the world in a way a wolf never could, and vice versa. And Jen having to explore a ship in gecko form was an excellent way to highlight the strengths and weakness of her form. Jen is independent to a fault, and one of the reasons I had a hard time putting the book down was because I was so caught up in her story, how she navigated needing help with not trusting Lucky, how when she did start to trust him, she was still torn between how much she wanted to tell him and how much she could actually tell him.

I liked the romance between Jen and Lucky well enough, but I think I didn’t like Lucky as much as I could have because I had just read GUARD WOLF before this, and the hero of that book is the disabled werewolf I’ve always wanted in a story. So for very unfair reasons, Lucky fell a little flat, and even more when I saw a couple of the twists in his story coming.

As with the first two books, DRAGON’S LUCK plays with some delightful tropes, from Undercover Agents to Fake Girlfriend, and Esker approaches them with a deft hand. I can’t really get into the details of the other things I loved without going into major spoilers, so I will end by saying that this book was a joy to read. The pacing was fast and fun, and I never wanted to put it down; I pretty much devoured it in one sitting, and wanted more when I hit the last page. Jen Cho is a joy and a delight forever, and I can’t wait to see more of her back with the rest of the agency. There are some plot points revealed during this book that have opened up a great number of future stories, and I am so excited to see what comes next! I’d be counting the days until the next book, but I’m afraid that will make me sad, because unless I can read it in, oh, the next thirty seconds, it is far too long to wait.

However, that means you have time to go read all three books AND the short story “Chasing Bigfoot,” and I strongly recommend you do so immediately.

Note: DRAGON’S LUCK is the first of the series not to include a BBW female main character. Neither of the women in HANDCUFFED TO THE BEAR or GUARD WOLF read as very fat to me, but they at different times do think of themselves as fat and are self-conscious about that. Which is fine, and can be realistic, but is not my favorite part of stories about fat women. It was nice to see Jen be confident about her body, but I do wish we would have seen more of that from the fat characters, too. (And when I double checked at Amazon, only HANDCUFFED TO THE BEAR appears to be labeled as BBW now, though I would have sworn GUARD WOLF was too when I grabbed my copy. Ah well.)

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Carla M. Lee
05 June 2016 @ 05:13 pm
So, ten years after I first attended, I returned to Wiscon. I haven't been since Wiscon 32, for a lot of reasons, some personal, some having to do with the homophobia, biphobia, fat hate, and racism I both experienced and saw others experience at the three Wiscons I did attend, but a couple years ago, my writing group decided we should do a reunion at Wiscon 40, and I have been looking forward to it ever since. I am so, so glad I went. The highs were unbelievably high; the lows were terrible. Some of each is due to personal reasons, some to other people's shitty behavior, some to my own crazybrain.

Thursday

Drove up to Madison via Chicago to pick up Robyn at the airport. All was well (minus the broken AC in the Charger) until just outside Chicago where a giant accident left us at a standstill for ages. My carefully planned trip to avoid rush hour traffic turned into driving through rush hour to get to the airport thanks to that delay. Not super fun with no AC. But it was great to see Robyn again, and we had a blast talking on the drive to Madison.

Allison and Candra were kind enough to let me crash their hotel room when my original plans didn't work out. I haven't seen either of them in many years, and I was so glad to spend time with them again. (Candra is a huge part of the reason I survived law school; getting to know her and spend so much time with her, and through her meet Allison, was one of the biggest benefits to going to Michigan.)

Later that night, Robyn and I met Karen at the airport and then had an adventure finding her food before we all headed back to the hotel.

Friday

Writer's workshop in the morning. I attended Mikki Kendall's comics writing session, which wasn't a traditional workshop format where we exchanged projects and critiqued them, but a lot about how to get started in comics writing, tips and tricks, fun stories from her experience, etc. It was really interesting, and a nice change of pace for me from the traditional format. If you'll be at Wiscon 41, I highly recommend checking out the writer's workshop; no matter what sessions exist, I think it will be fantastic.

(At this stage in my life, I have a solid critique group I trust and a good set of early readers, and my focus is on them more than other traditional workshops.)

After, Robyn and I hung out at Michaelangelo's for a bit, a nearby coffee shop where the writer's workshop after party was held, and got to chat with some people, including someone who attended the session led by Elizabeth Reeve and who has a werewolf story I am seriously dying to read at some point, it sounded SO GOOD. (Because I am talking about unpubbed work, not naming names here without permission, but oh, god, it sounded so good, I want to read it immediately.)

I briefly hit up the Gathering (nail polish swap, anti-abuse team table, and book swap, where I picked up the only two physical books I collected at Wiscon, a new low for me!), and then the rest of Friday was pretty much shot. I read a lot, and eventually took off in the Charger to find food and because I needed to get away for awhile. (Nothing the con itself could have dealt with, personal stuff.)

Saturday

I made some REALLY GOOD panel decisions on Saturday, you guys! I doubt I will write up any full panel reports, but I did want to talk a little about the highlights.

Princesses and Ladies within a WOC Framework: Mikki Kendall (mod), Chesya Burke, Jennifer Cross, De Ana Jones

Description: Some feminists decry the term "ladies" and have blanket disdain for Princess Culture. But how are these and other terms and aspects of culture seen from outside of typical white middle class feminism? They carry different weight and meaning for women of color and their daughters.

This was such a good way to start the morning. It was hilarious and thoughtful and filled with wonderful discussions, and I had such a great time. This was my first time attending a panel with Twitter and hashtags playing such a big role in, well, everything, and this is A+ my favorite way to participate in a convention. I particularly liked the discussion of how frustrating it is that WOC characters are so often given white male love interests as the diversity default and the problems with it.

#PrincessLadyWOC

#KeepYAKind and Other Nice Tools of the Oppressor: K. Tempest Bradford (mod), Becky Allen, Betsy Haibel, Justine Larbalestier, Mark Oshiro

Description: There is always a point in the midst of heated Internet discussions where someone lifts their voice to make a call for Kindness, Niceness, Civility, or any other adjacent concept. These calls often go up when the issue at hand concerns an individual with privilege being called out by folks with significantly less privilege or cultural power. And Kind, Nice, and Civil become synonyms for Keep Your Mouth Shut. When this happens again, what tools can we use to dismantle this toxic dynamic and get back to the core matter? Are there secret code words we can deploy to neutralize the terms?

Another excellent panel. They touched on some fantastic parts of #toxickindness without limiting it to any one example of where these attacks happen. (#keepyakind is but one example, really.) Tempest storified the hashtag: #toxickindness.

Childhood is Not Precious: Justine Larbalestier's YA Worldview: Rebecca Holden (mod), Alisa Alering, Karen Healey, Scott Westerfeld, Kate O'Brien Wooddell

Summary: The girls at the center of Justine Larbalestier's novel Razorhurst have had to navigate a harsh world before the narrative begins, neither having the privilege of an ideal or "normal" childhood. This is typical of Larbalestier's protagonists, young women who, instead of navigating a disruption to normal, comfortable, or stable life, face difficult choices as teens that stem from an already difficult environment or situation surrounding them (that isn't a dystopia). Let's talk about how these narratives challenge our cultural narratives about teen life and childhood.

I went to this one even though I haven't read Razorhurst because I love a couple of Larbalestier's other protagonists and also, I really love hearing Karen speak, and this was the only one of her panels I could make work with my schedule. I'm so glad I did! There were a lot of interesting things said about children and teens and how all adults are fighting to teach them what that individual adult believes, whether we feel like we think any given adult is on the "right" side or the "wrong" side, and how we need to look at who actually benefits from gatekeeping the children, and so much more.

I'd like to the hashtag anyway, as I've done above, but it also basically functions as my panel write-up, because I'm pretty dominant in it. (Let's just say my phone autocorrects to it now. Whoops.) #ChildhoodIsNotPrecious

Finally, Saturday included the one panel I was on this Wiscon.

Fat Characters in Sci Fi/Fantasy: Robyn Fleming (mod), Alex Jennings, Kenzie Woodbridge, ME

Summary: There are some fat folks depicted in the genre, but most of them are scenery rather than fully realized characters. Where are my fat protagonists? What are their stories? Let's talk about the ones that do exist and brainstorm ideas for new ones.

This was an interesting panel because when we all brainstormed via email, we didn't come up with a ton of examples that were super useful. (My focus is always YA, and most of what I could think of involved contemporary stories, not SFF, for example.) I had a couple people rec things to me, which I tried, and we talked about good and bad portrayals, our frustrations with how things are or are not handled, etc. I specifically wanted to talk about how Karen handled Ellie in GUARDIAN OF THE DEAD, her debut, and how "bbw" has been co-opted by marketing uses in romance and erotica. (This also gave me the chance to rec Lauren Esker's HANDCUFFED TO THE BEAR and GUARD WOLF.) (Also linked my work as Carla to my work under the pseud, which is always a fun but weird moment for me.)

I liked the audience interaction a lot and thought the conversations went well, but I also felt like I talked a lot more than I had intended going in. Ah well.

Finally got to meet up with Cabell again for the first time in years (this is an ongoing theme) for delicious themed drinks at the hotel bar, and then we joined Allison and Candra for dinner and drinks at a new wine bar before they headed off to panels and duties, and Robyn and I went swimming and hot tubbing for awhile, then sat around talking about our writing and old adventures and various things, as we do. She said some very kind things about my work, both as Carla and under the pseud, which was nice.

We later caught the last hour or so of the vid party, which ended with one of my absolute favorite fanvids ever, Starships, a multifandom space vid by Bironic.

I'm sad I missed the DDP Yoga/Dance Party, but I was in a rough place and could not handle people. (In fact, I took a long break before even being able to sit in the back of the room for the last part of the vid party.)

Sunday

I had good intentions of going to panels, but I could not. I was still dealing with some personal, emotional stuff, so instead I sat around in the room with Candra and Allison for awhile, catching up, and then went to brunch with them. I spent some time hanging out with Cabell in the lobby, hit up the art show again (I visited three times, and bought art twice), hung out with Robyn and Marianne, and went with them to [dreamwidth.org profile] raanve's impromptu fanfic AUs and tropes panel, which was so much fun. (And I had to chance to say hello to [dreamwidth.org profile] nwhepcat and tell her how much I loved her scarves in the art show. I bought one as a gift for a friend, too.)

Then I volunteered in the con suite for a shift. There was some seriously shitty treatment of POC con suite volunteers this year, which is really messed up, especially at a convention that purports itself to be welcoming and diverse and focused on equality, etc. etc. etc. I'll be linking to some things at the end of this about what happened, and the changes within Wiscon itself.

Got dressed up a little for the dessert salon and GOH speeches, and headed down with Allison and Candra. This is the first year I've gone to this part of the con, and wow, it was seriously packed. Candra and I found seats at a table near the wall, with a great view of the GOH speeches but with enough space I felt a little less crowded, and I'm so glad we went. All three speeches were wonderful, but Sofia Samatar said some things about writing and making space for ourselves in our genres that hit me hard and were things I desperately needed to hear right now. I hope transcripts go up, because I think some of my writer friends who didn't attend will really benefit from it, too.

Then I ran up to Marianne's room to check on her, and ended up hanging out there with her, Julia, and a bunch of their friends for most of the night, which was fun, and allowed me to both socialize and be quiet and listen to other people tell stories, how I socialize best in groups. (And gave me the chance to catch up with Julia and thank her in person for all the work she did with the con suite.)

Monday

Sad good-byes with Candra, and then one more trip to the art show to buy gifts, meeting up with Robyn, and heading out. We grabbed food on the road, and then dealt with terrible traffic between Madison and Chicago, damn. Once I dropped her at the airport, traffic was fine the rest of the way, but I drove into and out of big storms most of the trip down Illinois and Missouri.


So that was my Wiscon 40. I've already reserved a room for Wiscon 41, Candra and I have both talked to a friend of ours about coming, because we think he will really love it and get a lot out of it, and so odds are good I will be up there next year, too. It's obvious that this is still a transition period, and there are people who are not happy about making the convention more welcoming and diverse. That sucks. But there are people doing good work to make changes, and taking on far more than they should, and being absolutely amazing. Wiscon felt more welcoming and diverse and more true to the ideals it claims to believe, and I think it will continue to improve, but god, is there still so much work to do. (The con suite bullshit. People being terrible to hotel staff. People saying horrid things and hiding their nametags while they do so they can't be called out. It goes on and on, because so many people are terrible. But Wiscon 40 reminded me that there are wonderful people, too, people who fight for change, and I want to support them.)

So many thanks to the con com and the volunteers and the people who keep working and fighting not just to keep this convention going, but to make it better. Thank you.

Links

Mikki Kendall's WisCon 40 Highs, Lows, & What The Actual F*ck?

K Tempest Bradford's On WisCon, and Who Is Allowed To Feel Welcome

Mark Oshiro on his experience at Wiscon 40, his first visit.

(Related, Mark's experiences at ConQuest 46 in Kansas City, which is one of my potential local cons, is why I will not be attending until major changes are made.)

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Carla M. Lee


Previously on the Chaos Legacy: Babs set a whoooooole bunch of fires and kept turning people into toads; Abby and Babs magically dueled each other at the drop of a hat; everyone in the family fought fought fought (except for that one moment when Abby and Anoki allegedly fell for each other because of a rogue love spell); Chazza stayed out all night pranking people and then passed out a bazillion times; Cesaro was an internet troll and kept getting into fights with a girl named Alice, who then became his girlfriend (don’t even try to understand those two); Chazza got herself a fairy girlfriend; Cade sucked up a lot but didn’t manage to be super interesting; and finally, I named Chazza heir and kicked out the boys.

No university for Chazza, because at the time, I couldn’t fathom playing it again so soon. I will regret that choice.

Starting generation four with this update because we go all the way through the kids by the end. A lot of big family changes happen in a short amount of time.

And on to generation four!

Note: This is not a fun update. Brace yourselves.

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Carla M. Lee
01 June 2016 @ 05:52 pm
I’m a Book Depository affiliate, and will receive a small credit if you order from BD using any of the BD links below. There is no additional cost to you.


Wiscon 40 happened over the weekend, and part of it was great, and part of it was terrible, and part of it was heartbreaking, and part of it was exactly what I needed. So there's that. I actually only came home with two new physical books, which is shocking, and I'll talk about them once I read them. I came home with a bunch of art, but I can't show everything just yet, because I huge chunk of that includes gifts. I was able to buy directly from the artist twice, and tell them how much the pieces meant to me, so that was particularly nice.

(I may have to put together some art myself for next year's Art Show. We'll see. And yes, I plan to go back next year. I think we've talked JBJ into coming, too. He'll love most of it.)

What I've Read

TRUST ME, I'M TROUBLE (sequel to TRUST ME, I'M LYING) by Mary Elizabeth Summer (Book Depository links): This was so good. SO GOOD. It surprised me with a romantic thing, and then broke my heart, but it was wonderful and exactly what I wanted (minus the heartbreak, but it fits), and I laughed, and I couldn't put it down. Can't wait for the next book.

HOLDING SMOKE by Elle Cosimano: Received a copy of this from the publisher via NetGalley. It's about a boy imprisoned for murder who can leave his body at will and the girl he teams up with to find the true killer. I liked this a lot, mostly, though his voice didn't always work for me. I really loved the way Cosimano handles descriptions and details.

What I'm Reading

FAT VAMPIRE by Adam Rex: No link, because I pretty much hate this book and do not recommend you try it. Someone recced this to me awhile ago, and then someone else more recently when I mentioned I was doing the fat characters in SFF panel at Wiscon, and both of those people were VERY VERY WRONG. It is terrible, and I want my money back and the time I wasted reading it. There's racism and homophobia and sexism and serious fat hate when it comes to fat female characters, though the dudes don't get it as bad, and just fuck off into the sea, book. Fuck off into the sea. (Odds are high I will not finish it, obviously.)

EVERY HEART A DOORWAY by Seanan McGuire (Book Depository link): FINALLY delving into this, and it's interesting so far, though it's not holding my attention the way her writing usually does. I have been super distracted, though, between Wiscon over the weekend, and then a grant symposium today that took me out of town for awhile.

What I'll Read Next

DARK ALCHEMY by Laura Bickle (Dark Alchemy #1) (Book Depository link): I'm trying to avoid buying new books this year, except for a few favorite authors, but someone recommended the second book in the series to me recently, and I bought this book immediately. It sounds like western + magic + kick ass women, and I am here for that so hard. SO HARD.

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Carla M. Lee
25 May 2016 @ 09:37 pm
I leave in the morning for Wiscon 40. The first Wiscon I ever attended was Wiscon 30, so this is nice and fitting. My writing group is having a reunion, and I get to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in years, and there will be lots of writing and geekery and good times. (And, if previous years are any example, alcohol.)

If you'll be there, hit me up! I have a couple of solid things on my schedule, but otherwise, am trying to keep it open. (Though it would be so easy to schedule every hour of the day, what with all of the great panels and parties and readings, and that's not even touching the hallway meet-ups and gaming and and and.)

Anyway, best way to reach me is by text, but if you don't have my cell phone, I'll also have regular email access at carlamlee@gmail.com. (And if you will be there and want my phone number, email me! I share it pretty widely. I also don't answer calls from numbers I don't recognize.)

Friday

I'll be attending the comics writing special session during the Writer's Workshop Friday morning, and then will be at the after party in Michaelangelo's back room after.

Saturday

Fat Characters in Sci Fi/Fantasy, Sat, 2:30–3:45 pm, Conference 1
Moderator: Robyn Fleming. Participants: Alex Jennings, Carla M Lee, Kenzie Woodbridge

There are some fat folks depicted in the genre, but most of them are scenery rather than fully realized characters. Where are my fat protagonists? What are their stories? Let's talk about the ones that do exist and brainstorm ideas for new ones.

ETA: Right, right, this could also be a Care and Feeding of type post. In short, I am perfectly happy to talk to new people, but am not great at starting conversations myself or recognizing unspoken signs of welcome. I am also really, really shitty with names and faces, so I am very sorry if I don't recognize you right away. I give great hugs, but sometimes have hit my limit on touching people, and will say that if it happens. I have no food or drink allergies, but horrible seasonal allergies (and it's that time of year), and perfumes and strongly scented lotions often set it off too, so don't mind my stuffiness and giant box of tissues. I have it on good authority that I am a joy and a delight forever (which can also be read as a snarky pain in the ass), and I can't wait to talk about monsters and mental illness and diversity and how we're trying to make the world better.

I look like this.

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Carla M. Lee
I'm not linking to the damn thing right now, because I don't want to look at it again, I don't want a link to it here in my space, but XOJane just published an essay in which the author flat out says that a person with a mental illness was better off dying than living, because there was no way for her to have a real life because of her mental illness.

My immediate response was on Twitter: What the fuck were you thinking, @xojanedotcom?! The essay about a mentally ill person being better off dead is harmful, exploitative, wrong. Everyone involved with its publication should be ashamed, @xojanedotcom. I am disgusted and enraged. I am harmed. I ache for others you hurt.

I am angry. I am harmed. I am trying to formulate an actual response, one that I can publish and share. I'm not yet to that point, because I am still so enraged.

Clickbait or not. Flip personal essay or not. Words matter. Words mean things. Words hurt people. Fuck XOJane and fuck the author. I am ashamed that I have a pub credit at XOJane, if they are going to publish shit like this.

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